Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Hey winter is over like a fat rat, how bout a big whoop-de-do? Can I get a hip hip hooray? Good. Now down to business.

Although it's still a little brisk to sit outside and eat a meal in the grand tradition of picnicking which we love so well, now is the perfect time to start scouting sites, building an arsenal of recipes, and stockpiling nuclear weapons. Whoops, I mean stockpiling portable dishwear and utensils.

I don't know about yous, but I'm getting paid on Friday, so here's a little rundown of the picnic accoutrements we at Eat Out More Often and millions of other picnic enthusiasts will be rushing out to buy:

1 badminon set: booyah! Almost everybody is good at badminton. You can get these for $20 or so at your local crappy mall or maybe even at a dollar store. Host a badminton tournament/picnic and then rig the scoring so that your team wins! And don't forget your sweatbands.

1 frisbee: doubles as a plate!

1 thermos: the Jerk had it right, a thermos makes a great gift! These come in handy when you want to mix up some mojitos for your picnic without getting busted, because thermi look as innocent as babies.

TP/napkins/anything that wipes: it's nice to have something handy (other than your hand) when your pants are down and there isn't a pinecone in sight.

1 used portable radio: crank up the power! I don't think I would recommend this for every picnic, because it's always better to make your own music if you're so inclined. But this can be a nice way to jazz up those day-long picnics at the beach, and a radio can also warn you if there's a tornado coming!

1 pair of binoculars: essential for scoping out babes, birds, and enemies who wait in ambush.

1 book of Family Circus cartoons: a great way to steer the conversation away from something unpleasant and get back to wholesome picnicking, especially if you ignore that fact that everybody in the family secretly hates Jeffy.

That's all I can think of for now, but there's bound to be more picnic-themed stuff you can blow your money on. Keep in mind, however, that fancy badminton sets and adult diapers don't make picnics great, people do. And food do, too.