Saturday, June 14, 2008

Red Eyes at Morning: the picnic's secret invader

In this installment of Eat Out More Often, we present another cautionary tale of picnics gone horribly wrong. Although it may leave a bad taste in your mouth, we feel it is nonetheless important that you know the risks you take on when you decide to eat outdoors, where Ma Nature and her brood of thuggish fauna, flora, and what-have-yous terrorize and ambush we peace-loving humans like some debauched family of cutthroat criminals.

Like most picnics, this one started innocently enough. Four friends looking for a little fun in the sun on a California beach (the fourth friend being behind the camera, of course). We were so stupid, so trusting, so certain in the existence of a just and orderly world. We didn't know that in mere hours we would come to question it all as an insidious foe entered our ranks, preying upon the very bonds that wound us so tightly together, the same bonds that would soon violently break in a gory climax of pus and accusations. So stupid, so stupid I could almost laugh through the bitter tears that course down my cheeks to this day...

Anyway, here's a picture of our first glimpse of the beach as we climbed down from the roadside. What a view!

We were of course determined to find the best spot or our much-anticipated picnic, and so we walked for miles along the beach, carefully surveying the coastline for a locale that would suit us.

All that walking sure made us hungry! Lucky for us, we brought a great spread, and I'm not talking about a Playboy centerfold, either!

As you can see, we've got a delicious array of edible goods, mostly purchased from the farmer's market. The colorful cups really kicked the picnic up a notch.

And then things got weird!

And we found a cave and horsed around in there for a bit.

All in all, it was a great day, and we went home with our tummies full of delicious food and our heads full of precious memories...

...except that this guy got pink eye! And that's what I was talking about in the beginning; the thing that made the day a bit of a downer, looking back on it. Because then he passed it on to the other guy, and the two haven't spoken since. The lesson here is, careful where you put your hands--even when you're among friends--and remember that when you eat outdoors, you're also hosting a picnic for asshole germs and the main course is YOU.